SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
