Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
