I think my fart just growled at me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
