Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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