I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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