I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
