The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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