she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
