She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
