So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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