i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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