Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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