You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
