i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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