Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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