I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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