I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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