well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
