I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
