can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
