He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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