So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
