She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
