I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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