I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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