I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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