He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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