K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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