It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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