I accidentally had phone sex last night
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
