First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
