Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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