I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
