I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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