GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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