you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
