It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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