i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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