don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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