you would pick up someone in the library
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
