fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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