Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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