I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
