R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
