dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
