I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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