People in love make me want to vomit
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
