When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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