I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
