I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
