: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
