Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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