I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We need to get me chipped asap
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