Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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