remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
