Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
