Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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