I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
