Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
