Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
