Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
