Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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