you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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